Pondering

For as long as I can remember, I have been a loner.  Although that's probably not what most people would describe me as.  I'm a writer, and a very emotional one at that.  I think most writers have a default "loner" setting that their mind falls into whenever they feel that ping of emotion or motivation. In a writer's life, those two terms feel very interchangeable.
So anyway, I'll find myself here at my computer with nothing all that interesting to say...not to other people at least...because what I want to ramble on about isn't of any importance to anyone but myself. Honestly, it shouldn't have any importance at all because what it comes down to is self-pity...and nobody likes a cry baby.
What I'm seeking is the motivation.  I write, yes, but it's not as easy as it seems. Even the most imaginative and creative writer doesn't want to lock themselves in a room and write for hours on end. It's depressing.
And being here in this new city basically alone for the last two months...is depressing. But I haven't spent all that much time writing.
Oh I don't know. I guess I'll just pull my head out of that place where the sun don't shine and force myself to get over it.  What else can you do?
I'm at a loss.

Blank Slate

The time that I never thought would come, has come and gone.  I am officially now a part of the "real world." Or, rather, the real world as seen through a 22-year-old, recent college graduate who has just moved to a big city 2,000 miles away from home...

That's right. I uprooted and relocated to the City of Angels...which is quite ironic that it would be called such a thing because I'm certain that this is the last city on Earth where an angel would want to spend their time.  

It's scary, to be quite honest. Granted it is still only the first week of my moving here and I haven't started my job yet. But it's very difficult relocating. I know that my case isn't special in any way, because young people do this every day...moving far away from their families and making fresh starts for themselves...but that doesn't change the reality of the matter.

However, that's exactly how I'm treating this experience. This is a fresh start!  I have always been the kind of person who thinks one thing about themselves in their own mind, but when such an event comes to pass in reality, I find that I'm quite a different person. For example, I'd like to say that I'm going to lose 20 pounds in the next 8 weeks, because it seems so easy in my head. Just work out everyday and eat really well!...Easier said than done.  And it doesn't help that I just recently (January 2nd, 2012) started a relationship with a really great girl, and now we're thousands of miles apart.

I can honestly say that I have never felt this way about anyone before.  Admittedly, I didn't think much of getting into a relationship my senior year of college because I knew I would be moving far away. So we played it chill because we had already been friends for a couple of years (I met her through an ex of mine...oops) and I don't think either of us expected it to get as serious as it has. But here we are, five months later, and I'm in love. Really in love.  We haven't broken anything off, though. We are doing the long distance thing for as long as either of us can stand it, which will hopefully be until we're engaged...did I just say that?

I digress.  So, on top of that I have always had weight issues and I feel that this is the perfect time to tackle this long standing pain in my...well...you get the picture.  Like I said a couple paragraphs ago, it has always seemed so much easier in my head.  What it comes down to is that I always look to food in times of great emotional stress. If I'm really happy, I want to pig out...if I'm really bummed, I want to pig out.  I need to control my emotions and channel that urge to want to eat into something more realistic, or helpful.  Like writing. I am an aspiring filmmaker (screenwriter, director, and possibly actor).  I typically do turn to writing as a way to put my emotions out on the table (as you can see) but I need to learn to make that my main focus...because my writing is always better when I've got the fuel of emotion in me, anyway.

But this is a new beginning. We get blank slates in times like these and I'm taking full advantage of it.  

This is my time to make my dreams a reality.  I can't be the person that I have been and expect the world to fall into my lap.  Sure, I've been lucky this far, but I have to make things happen for myself, and that's exactly what I intend to do.  You're only young once and the last thing I want to do in 10 years is look back to the year 2012 and think "Man, I could've done more...I wonder where I'd be now if I would've just tried harder."  One thing I've done far too much of my entire life is dwell on the past.  It's time to realize that I wouldn't have to dwell on the past if I just take full advantage of the time that is given to me one day at a time by God's good graces.

I only hope that this helps some of you out there who are in the same boat as I am.  

--TTSFA

Gettin back to reality

Well, this first week back to school has been okay. It's hump day, but it seems like it's been dragging by. I'm not sure why, but I feel like this has been the hardest bounceback from a break in my college career so far. Probably because I have so many responsibilities, so I rack my brain trying to think of everything and then I just overwhelm myself. It's going to be a good semester though! Things are off to a good start. There's a couple of classes that are probably going to kick my butt, but I'm just going to push through it as best I can!

Long time, no blog!

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged over here! Last semester was a super busy one for me. Between taking on leadership rolls within Ball State TCOM and all my classes, blogging, unfortunately, got pushed to the back burner. But not anymore! I'm here to stay and I will be blogging regularly. Everyone be sure and check out my new blog called "The Film Jockey" where I review all kinds of movies throughout the week and update on movie news. "Toolbox Central" will remain my forum for random rants! Hopefully I'll be back within the next couple of days for something a little more interesting to talk about!

Losin' it!!!

Well, I definitely need to get to bloggin' way more often! As of right now, I am in Maryland staying with my sister and her husband and son. This is doubling as a summer vacation...and boot camp! I have been struggling with some major weight issues, mostly because I'm lazy, and my sister is helping me out! I have been here 4 days and I can already tell a difference in my energy levels! It's a really great time for me because my sister has been really good about being healthy and working out regularly, whereas I, have not. So, this is a major lifestyle change for me, and it's going great so far! I have eaten more vegetables in the past 4 days than I have in my entire life! We are working out about once or twice a day as well. This is going to be really great for me and I can't wait to reach my goal and become a new person!

One nation...UNDER GOD!

It's been a while since I last blogged, but I'm returning on a more specific note this time. It involves an article I found on Yahoo.com as I was checking my e-mail just about 5 minutes ago. Apparently there was some atheist group in North Carolina that decided it would be a good idea to make a giant billboard saying "One nation...Indivisible." What's wrong with this, you might ask? The line "Under God" is missing. The point of the article, however, comes in because some unknown vandals spray painted the missing words onto the billboard! This made me very happy to see that some people in this nation still believe that God should be a part of our lives. Of course there are legal actions being taken because of the vandalism and the "defacing" of public property. Whatever. I'm extremely offended by the sign in the first place, so how about some legal action against the inconsiderate atheists who apparently NEED to get their atheism publicized. There's no doubt that they were intentionally trying to piss off the Christian community more than they were actually trying to get their own name out. Which is totally O.K.! I remember when the Chronicles of Narnia movie came out back in 2005, and it was within the first week of its' theatrical release that I saw a news segment saying "Is the Chronicles of Narnia TOO religious?" How about being too ATHEIST??? I get physically disgusted when I think about how twisted this whole issue of "Church and State" has become. It's like people have completely forgotten what our nation was built on. There are many better ways for an atheist group to make their existence known. This is not only extremely uncalled for, but it's also just another chance for everyone who DOESN'T believe in God to try and piss off the population that does believe. It's a sad, sad fact that people can't just live their lives, but they really feel the need to offend someone. Well, I'd say they got what was coming to them.

Updated life

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE SPLICE TOMORROW! I have a sweet new job. I make fat cash errday. hahaha. I haven't posted anything new for a while...I've been kinda lazy haha! But I'm havin a blast this summer so far! I can't remember if I've mentioned this already but I'm doing a summer movie project with Ball State for the TCOM department. We have already done three days of shooting and its been awesome! Im a camera man and I really like it so far. But tomorrow we have a night shoot so we don't even start til 9pm...which means I'm sleeping IN TOMORROW! haha. I have a bunch of videos that I've worked on this past year and I really need to get them uploaded! I need make a resume reel too...hmmm I should get on that hahaha. Can't wait for SportsLink in the Fall and to be CardinalVision General Manager!! I'm really pumped to be stepping up and taking on a really important position for the TCOM department. I'm honored that I can be trusted with something like that and I can't wait for it to kick into gear!! That's all for now haha..